I’ve always been the weird one, the girl with the biggest secret in her heart which no one knew. The girl with stones in her backpack. Girl with the saddest eyes and the most painful past. I was the one and I never knew anyone like me. I tought i was the onlyone, i tought that if i don’t tell anyone no one would never know and when the time goes on it stops hurting me. With every new day the weight gained a little more. The pain got a little harder and her steps got slower. Everyday she lost a bit of herself. Every day a little more.
Everytime it was happening she disappeared somewhere far from her body. Somewhere where she was watching and thinking what that girl is doing there. Who is she? What is she? Is she even a human. Is she really she or someone else? Is it all really happening to her?
And everytime the weight got too heavy she run to her own reality. The reality where she didn’t even excist. It’s so sad cause she already were almost invisible. She had no one having her back cause no one knew. She was so so alone, even when she was surrounded by people. She couldn’t be with people. She didn’t knew anyone like her. And she tought that there were something wrong with her. She draw out the pain by cutting her wrists. And no one understood cause no one knew. She was so alone with all cause she couldn’t talk. It was too painful and she felt like she was gonna die if she’d talk.
One day it all was too much, her backpack ripped. She told her mother the biggest secret, the secret which she kept on her own for many years. And she doesn’t died. It was so shameful and so relieving. She wasn’t alone anymore. The feeling of loneliness never got away, but today she doesn’t have to be alone with it. Nowadays she can always talk. And it will always help. Cause she is not gonna be all alone ever again if she doesn’t want. Now she knows she is not the onlyone.
Please, please, don’t be left alone. I know it feels like you are left alone, but trust me it’s not true. You are the one who is driving people away. People wants to support you, but they can’t if you don’t talk. I’m begging you be brave, open up to me, open up to somebody. It will help! Maybe not in the moment, but when time goes on it will. And you don’t need to be alone. When it feels like there is no one who could never understand you, believe me there is! There is always people who will understand you, you just haven’t met them yet. You are the only one who can chance it, chance everything. You don’t have to do it alone when you need somebody. It will be all okay.